If you can’t go wide, go deep

       
        My Mama is a very good listener. So normally when I have something on my mind I ask her to take a walk with me so I can get all my words out and still be productive at the same time. Well, one day I was feeling rather confined by some restricting circumstances and was telling my mom about what I was feeling. 
     
       I have to stop a minute to give some background as to my personality type. I am a very energetic person and prefer to be in a state of forward motion at all times. I love to be helpful and productive. When I was younger I always had so many goals about what I would be doing in my young adulthood and all the ministries I would be involved in. But as I am sure you all know, life does not always go according to our own plans. 
       
        So as I got older and decided to pursue college and a whole new life opened up. This was not the life I had always envisioned. The life that I found myself caught up in was very busy (not the “busy” I had planned) and stressful. I worked two jobs to pay for my school and tried as best I could to balance my time between my studies, work and family. I felt like a little brown mouse running round and round not getting anywhere. I started to look back at my old dreams and goals about traveling and working for different outreach organization and I began to feel useless. 
        
        I was telling my mom these things and asking her why she thought I was going through various obstacles (time, money, people) hindering what I really want to do with my life. She shared with me that sometimes God limits our area of ministry in going out to other people and traveling etc. so that we will minister to those locally around us. In other words “If you can’t go wide in your ministry, go deep”, this really helped me to change my view on my current situation. She explained to me how even God limited his own Son, first in the form of making himself human, and then in the amount of years he had on earth, and even further in the people group that he reached! This was very encouraging for me to hear! That even though we can sometimes feel very limited we are still be right where God wants us to be, to further His kingdom.

         I had no time to help in our church programs or volunteer in the local soup kitchen so I began looking at what I could do right where God had me. I started to look first in my own family relationships and I saw plenty there that really needed some attention. Then God brought some local kids into my life for me to befriend and be an example of Christ’s love to. It was as though my eyes were opened to a whole new realm of ministry that I was missing because I was still holding on to what I thought God wanted of me. I love this quote by Helen Keller “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” I feel that is very true for me. Sometimes I just get so focused on what I want to do “For God” that I am blinded to what God is trying to show me. 

         It just so happened that as I was struggling with these feelings we started to go through the story of Joseph in church! I was so blessed and encouraged at that story. It was as though I was reading it for the first time.  Just to imagine a young man who probably had his whole life planned out (like I had mine), probably had plans of marriage and a future family when God took his life and used it in a way that was most likely very different then Joseph would have chosen for himself. But in the end it was for the good of the whole country and for God’s glory!

        Just to rest in that peace of being part of God’s plan is extraordinary! I am so blessed to be a child of God! Even when I feel limited in the area of service, God has shown me there is always an opportunity open somewhere, even if it seems small. I cannot stress the importance of seeking first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto us. If we are seeking God’s will with our eyes open He will lead us without fail. Even if it does not look like it is what we wanted, it is what He wants for us. And that is all that matters.

From a grateful daughter ~ PaulinaMarie